Limerence or Love

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Limerence has been described as being compulsive longing for another person. Its defining traits and characteristics are:

- Idealising the person you’re obsessed with/ infatuated with (either in an all good or an all bad way)

- Being troubled by uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts about them

- Suffering from overwhelming feelings of shyness, nervousness and confusion whenever you are near them

- Desperately fearing being rejected by them

- Feeling euphoric at the smallest sign that they may be interested in you

- Fantasizing continually about being in a relationship with them

- Desperately hoping and looking for sign of reciprocation (This can lead to wrong conclusions and “reading into things”)

- Feeling that everything around you somehow reminds you of that person  

- Replaying every little detail of any conversation or encounter with them

- Analysing everything they say or do in great detail to try and figure out hidden meanings

- Maintaining romantic intensity even when they totally ignore you, or treat you badly

-  Arranging your schedule to try and bump into, or catch a glance of, the person

It has been suggested that limerant relationships tend to be too intense, and one person is generally over-committed to the relationship compared to the other person. In healthy relationships, both of the partners grow in their love and affection for each other through shared interests and a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company. Neither should be emotionally dependent upon (or addicted to) the other.